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You’ve Been Logged Out: How DraftKings treats Winning Bettors. As an investor, I’m appalled.

Updated: Feb 16


Full Disclosure: I own shares of DraftKings (DKNG) stock. Like $500 worth. I believe it to be an excellent investment and thus will not be divesting my shares despite what you read in the following paragraphs. Yet. I intend to buy more unless the forthcoming issues I'm about to inform you of don't resolve themselves. This is not an intellectually or morally inconsistent position. My intent is to correct correctable behavior, not to burn the entire house down unnecessarily.


Common sense Bro. Knock this shit off, cuz' it ain't right. Not super hard. I think most of us know the right thing to do almost always if we have the courage to just act on it.


Multiple things can be true at once. We have a great product DraftKings. Can we cease with this sophomoric bullshit and just count our money?


Tha' FUCK Kaden! Why do you have to torment your sister AiddyAddyMaddy-KinsleyAppleOmaha? Why can't you just sit here in our Land Rover Defender Carpathian and play your fucking Steam Deck you pasty shit stain! It's not hard being you Kaden Teagen-Thompson-Johnson! You ungrateful, oversexed little DoucheCampbell! Your mother loves you. Remember that.


 

Over the past few weeks, I have experienced several issues with my DraftKings account (MajesticElk1981) based on my recent success on the site. We are not talking big dollars here folks. $25 (3-leg) parlays to win $163. Not Boats n' Hoes. Rowboats and Porkers.


If you experience success on the DK site/app, you can expect to incur the following issues with your account. This is not an exhaustive list as I'm sure many of my unknown betting brethren have experienced difficulties not listed here:



  • Login Issues

  • Deposit Issues

  • Withdrawal Issues

  • Rearranged Home Screen/Betting Screens

  • Hidden\Rearranged Betting Receipts

  • Reduced or Complete lack of access to parlays or other betting products

  • Reduced Betting Limits

  • Delayed Payouts (up to several hours) on high odds winning tickets for "verification."

  • Delayed response or No response from customer service/DK.


This is the screen you get when you try to see all of your bets when you are successfully live betting. Impressive. Transparent.

Fellow intelligent bettors, we of course know to expect to lose money if we gamble long term. We also expect a fair and straight up game with open and transparent access to all of the modern digital resources associated with mobile-based products.


DK isn't offering a crooked game. If you win though, best believe some crooked shit coming your way soon.


Quick point of business. Just in case the lawyers at DK ever stop doing lines in the bathroom and masturbating on their Duke diplomas and read this: let me be explicitly clear and unequivocal in message:

I am not saying that I lost money at DK because of things they did.

I am not saying that DraftKings did not pay out on a bet.

I am not saying that I could not ultimately make deposits or withdraw my money from the site/app. That would be ridiculous.


What I AM saying is that if you win consistently on the Draft Kings/App site, you are going to start experiencing a host of issues that make it very difficult to continue betting for an unknown period of time following your winning streak. I'd like to give my fellow DK investors and decision makers a little peptalk from Coach Ryan:


"We (You bet your sweet, VC-juiced ass I said We! As a fellow shareholder, I get to say cool things like I/We own DraftKings. I was told this is how purchasing equities works. I got a packet! Welcome Ryan! We're partners! Wanna car pool?) can't operate this way guys and gals and theys and thems. If the public thinks that we don't run things straight up, they are going to have increasingly more and more and more choices to go away from us. If Kevin Hart decides next week to go to FanDuel, we're finished! Klay Thompson-level finished people! We can't spend the money that we do on Kevin telling people how wonderful we are and turn around and fuck with their logins when they win a few hundred bucks. Kevin Hart doesn't just work for anyone people. We are damn lucky to have the $2 million in gifted VC funds it took to get Kevin to push the boundaries of commercial television with his Whiteface Jimmy Johnson bit. Brilliant.**


Eventually, all of the states in the United States and the Feds will come to their collective senses and allow open source, open border online gambling. If we run our company the right way, we should welcome and want this wholeheartedly. If we run our company in shady, underhanded ways however, our competition will ultimately eat us alive when everyone else is allowed to enter the same field that we have. Right now, we are largely riding first to market momentum and obnoxious blietzkrieg advertising.


If the United States were actually open to real sportsbooks like Pinnacle, they would eat all of your Ivy League, BDSM-loving asses with the silver spoon currently lodged in Program Analyst Colton sitting over there watching "just under 18 let me show you my underage goodies and poorly performed set of dance moves" porn on TikTok. Let's not be Uber, ok guys? Let's not offer a terrible product that exploits millions of Black and Brown workers and then lie to the financial markets repeatedly for years with EBITDA accounting about how profitable we actually are. Come on now. I don't think it's impossible to offer people an excellent, transparent product that is also highly profitable. Apple, anyone?"


For example, I hit a number of small parlays in my NBA betting last night and basically tripled up my account. You'll have to take my word for it, I'm not going to post the tickets here, mainly because at the moment I can't log into my account surprise surprise, due to supposedly being logged in for too many hours before. We aren't talking about huge dollars here, 400 to 1200 kind of thing. Literally as I'm writing this, I can't log into my account because I have supposedly been logged in for too many hours and they are looking out for me. I'm so glad that this world is full of good people like DraftKings, who have my best interest in mind.

If you are the type of person that thinks these kinds of business practices performed by DraftKings are acceptable or even laudable, I hope you get the kind of Covid that makes the stuff you like taste bad. Kindly GTFO my lightly visited site. I am not naïve enough to think that the books haven't been limiting winning bettors since the beginning of betting time. But seriously Draft Kings? I have Kevin Hart on my screen 5 thousand fucking times a day doing something, and I can't login to place a $10 parlay? Yelluhbellies. All uh ya. I love you Kevin. Get that $$. You sponsor anyone with a pulse who has a gambling podcast or YouTube channel DK. I literally can't get away from all of your people and all of your ads telling me how awesome everything you do is and how much fun it is to bet on your site.

All of that is true, to be fair, until you start winning. This is when all of the parlay boost betting tokens seem to go away, and the reception isn't quite as warm. DK, I couldn't give less of a Campbell if you ever offer me another same game parlay insurance offer or odds boost again.


I'd like to be able to log into my account though, is that too much to ask? After a night of winning, you can expect to see the screen like this when you try to login:



Let's not be a bunch of Kyles here, DraftKings. Let's make the right choice in the moment. Can we please stop fucking around and playing games with our integrity, the only thing that we ultimately need as a casino besides the license itself to make money? We are in the best business in the world. People give us money, and we get them.........wait for it: NOTHING. I know right!?!!??! I can still barely believe it myself sometimes. When I think about all of the time and resources we spent to get that little piece of paper so people could give us money and we could give them NOTHING, there aren't tissues in this room.


We are a $20 B-B-Billion company. We should stop acting like a dime store 2005 poker site based out of a burnt out shell in Curaçao. We need to lean into our winning customers, not make life difficult for them. If any of you in this company had ever worked a real job or started a real business outside of the hyper-paraphilic worlds of finance and tech, you might understand us. We need to build more than technology platforms and Kevin Hart commercials. We need to build customers.


 

*I actually did laugh my ass off when I saw this commercial. The relentless assault of daily fantasy sports advertising we all experience across our devices and platforms is nauseating at best, insidious and pervasive at worst. This ad was actually really funny though, because I'm sure that Kevin wrote it himself.

This is a thought that could fill an entire book, but I'm glad that Kevin was able to take the kind of artistic leeway he needed to make that ad as funny as it was.


Come close. Closer. Look at me, Under-30 Woke dumbass.


I'm not advocating for the return of Blackface. I'm not saying that because Kevin Hart put powder on his face and impersonated Jimmy Johnson that I should be able to put on Blackface and impersonate him. This isn't Fox News identity politics. Listen. After watching Kevin impersonate Jimmy Johnson so hilariously, it did make me wish that white people could reasonably and openly impersonate Black people in a similar fashion. Out of Tribute. Not cultural appropriation. Tribute. I know the history of Blackface and why it's not OK to do it. Spare me. I could teach a college level course on it tomorrow. Kevin Hart is a funny fucking dude who has made me and millions and millions of other White people laugh for a long time now across multiple mediums and platforms. My (very White) kid and I impersonate Snowball the Rabbit all the time to each other:


"You know Tiny Dog?!"

"You will be avenged Viper!"


Shit is hilarious. I have no earthly idea what it is like to experience life as a Black person and would never pretend to. I think I can speak for a whole lot of garden-variety White people though when I say that what I will affectionately and respectfully call the Black Delivery Method™️ is about as funny as funny gets. There is something about the expert operator of the Black Voice and delivery that is just profoundly hilarious when masterfully executed. Bernie Mac, Patrice O'Neal. As someone who enjoys doing nonsensical impersonations of people I admire, I wish I could impersonate the Black Voices that have so profoundly influenced my own personal brand more openly.


Perhaps I am more out of touch than I realize and fewer barriers exist in this area than I believe. Help me answer this then, if you would.


If I was in a room full of reasonable and socially-exposed, racially mixed adults and started doing my best Chris Rock, Kevin Hart, Richard Pryor (How the fuck did we get here, where the fuck is Detroit?) or Eddie Murphy, what would the reaction be?


Do you think we can get to a place where someone can hear a privileged White guy like me doing his best Eddie Griffin ("Tell the kid! Momma was a Hoe") and think of how funny Eddie Griffin is before they get upset that a privileged White guy like me is impersonating him?


I dunno either. Let's hope. Lotta funny people out here I need to honor.


"Well lemme tell ya, the biggest pimp on planet motherfuckin Earth, is her momma.'' 😅😂🤣


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